that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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