Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
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through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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