Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize