she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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