Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
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Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
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Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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