My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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