i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
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Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
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Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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