Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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