I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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