So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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