I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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