come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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