he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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