Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
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I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
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That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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