Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize