I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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