Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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