I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think I am morally bankrupt
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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