My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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