You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
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The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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