so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize