Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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