grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
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I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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