At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
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You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize