do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
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Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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