just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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