hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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