STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
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My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
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Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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