Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
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Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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