someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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