i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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