Whod you bang
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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