So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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