your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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