I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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