Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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