i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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