I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize