can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
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They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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