Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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