Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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