Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
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Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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