Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the day after is always just damage control
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize