You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We need to get me chipped asap
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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