dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize