I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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