I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize