Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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