So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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