i already hear my dad disowning me
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
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There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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